 "I tried snorting coke the other day... But I got an ice cube stuck in my nose. " The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore." "Never sit on the toilet seat, while the plunger is still in it." "We all have mental problems, it's just that some of us choose to show them." "My bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired." It is unpossible to fail english "Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them" I didn't lose the keys this time, I lost the whole damn car. I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom now. "I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio Why on earth did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him...Do you think we will ever find them? He said...I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide. Gravity doesn't exist; earth sucks. "Never stomp out a flaming cat" "Look both ways before crossing a one-way street, you'd feel even dumber if you were hit by an idiot going the wrong way." "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." "Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents." "If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?" "Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window." "If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?" "Did anyone smell that light?" "Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate." "When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!". "Virginity is like a bubble, one prick and it's all gone." "Life in a vacuum sucks" "There are 3 kinds of people in this world...those who want things to happen, those that make things happen, and those who just wonder what the hell just happened" "consider the humble cabbage" "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." "I have no solutions, I can only offer chocolate." "Man who smoke pot choke on handle." "The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill them!" "I'm a little teapot short and stout; here is my handle, here is my...other handle? Shit, I'm a sugar bowl!!" "I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.... not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus.." "So..... The Ebola virus...... That's gotta suck, huh?" "You are acting like your head just fell out you ear!" "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." "HATS OF MEAT!!!" "Humans and dolphins are the only creatures that have sex for fun" "and I thought trucks were supposed to be big!" "hard work pays off later but procrastination pays off now" "Relax, it's just a giant pubic hair." "Hey! This computer doesn't have any holes!" "I need a muffin" "Last night I was laying on my back watching the stars ... Then I thought, "Where the heck did my ceiling go?!" "Ah! the smell of American capitalism, lets go buy something!" "Ethiopian mud wrestliing is fun until someone disintegrates." "This is a commericial for hemrroids so we decided not to show you any pictures...except one." "Stewie get me a danish! You don't trek thousands of miles across frozen wasteland and permafrost to come to your leader empty handed! GO!!!" "Where water buffalo roam free." "I like beans" "Welcome to my world, now sit down and shut up." "Quick and easy unless your pubic hairs are on fire." "We're the pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity." "We're not afraid of challenges. It's like we always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned." "Sure the body count in this movie bothers me, but what are you gonna do? It's what everybody likes. At least its not an awful body count--it's a fun body count. " "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." "This book has too much plot and not enough story." "I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." In days of old, when knights were bold, and toilets weren't invented. They'd leave their loads beside the roads, and walk away contented. Who's the guy that looked at a chicken and said "I'm gonna eat the first thing that falls out of that bird's ass"? "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship" "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
more to come :/ | ||
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Sunday, March 18, 2007
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Pretty cool I guess. Now if only they could use a Master Chief w/ a plasma sword instead
). Then again, your teams gotta be in 1st or 2nd to make it to nationals. That's not gonna happen folks
[ giant Kirby pwns your anus ] 
.......NOT! Anyone seen 300 yet? I've heard its full of blood, gore, and titties. My kind of movie. Although the trailers I've watched are pretty historically inaccurate and full of sensationalist hollywood glitz. Well what would you expect from the same guy who made Sin City? I mean war rhinoceroses, leper ninjas, giant obeses hulk-juggernaut monsters (ripoff the abomination in Warcraft), and an ugly rape scene don't seem to fit elegantly into a movie. And is it just me or does King Xerxes like like Imhotep from the Mummy? cept with nipple piercings
. Yeah, Master Chief's got the idea except he'll be ice fishing in Sidewinder map.
. I saw a new aircraft on the human team too. I always thought Halo derived a lot of its stuff from Starcraft with Humans(Terrans), Covenant (Protoss), and Flood (Zerg). I guess it was only about time they came up with this.
. I swear I'll have my revenge on this wretched school 
-Beefs & CRABS, Beefs & CRABS
So how was everyone's first week of school? My was pretty sucky 
. In fact, it looks like all of Junior year is gonna suck huge c***. Cnt get any homework done in school like I used to. No one freakin has lunch anymore cause of that stupid useless bullshit health class we have to take 
This show kicks soooooooo much ass
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Well enough alone 
I would've been your daddy
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